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(This came from a friend, who apparently suffered a severe head-trama and subsequently moved to New Mexico...)

You Know You're From New Mexico When...

  • You buy salsa by the gallon.
  • You are still using the paper license tag that came with your car five years ago.
  • Your favorite restaurant has a chile list instead of a wine list.
  • You do all your shopping and banking at a drive-up window.
  • Your Christmas decorations include Your Christmas decorations include "a yard of sand and 200 paper bags"
  • You have license plates on your walls, but not on your car.
  • Most restaurants you go to begin with "El" or "Los"
  • You remember when Santa Fe was not like San Francisco.
  • You hated Texans until the Californians moved in.
  • The tires on your roof have more tread than the ones on your car.
  • You price-shop for tortillas.
  • You have an extra freezer just for green chile.
  • You think a red light is merely a suggestion.
  • You believe that using a turn signal is a sign of weakness.
  • You don't make eye contact with other drivers because you can't tell how well armed they are just by looking.
  • You think six tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful front lawn.
  • You have to sign a waiver to buy hot coffee at a drive-up window.
  • You ran for state legislature so you can speed legally.
  • You pass on the right because that's the fast-lane.
  • You have read a book while driving from Albuquerque to Las Vegas.
  • You know they don't skate at the Ice House and the Newsstand doesn't sell newspapers.
  • You think Sadies was better when it was in the bowling alley.
  • You have used aluminum foil and duct tape to repair your air conditioner.
  • You can't control your car on wet pavement.
  • There is a piece of a UFO displayed in your home.
  • You know that The Jesus Tortilla is not a band.
  • You wish you had invested in the orange barrel business.
  • You just got your fifth DWI and got elected to the state legislature in the same week.
  • Your swamp cooler got knocked off your roof by a dust devil.
  • You have been on TV more than three times telling about how your neighbor was shot or about your alien abduction.
  • You can actually hear the Taos hum.
  • All your out-of-state friends and relatives visit in October.
  • You know Vegas is a town in the northeastern part of the state.
  • You are afraid to drive through Mora and Espanola.
  • You iron your jeans to "dress up"
  • You don't see anything wrong with drive-up window liquor sales.
  • Your other vehicle is also a pick-up truck.
  • Two of your cousins are in Santa Fe, one in the legislature and the other in the state pen.
  • You know the punch line to at least one Espanola joke.
  • Your car is missing a fender or bumper.
  • You have driven to an Indian Casino at 3am because you were hungry.
  • You think the Lobos fight song is You think the Lobos fight song is "Louie, Louie"
  • You know whether you want "red or green."
  • You're relieved when the pavement ends because the dirt road has fewer pot-holes.
  • You can correctly pronounce Tesuque, Cerrillos, and Pojoaque.
  • You have been told by at least one out-of-state vendor that they are going to charge you extra for You have been told by at least one out-of-state vendor that they are going to charge you extra for "international"
  • You expect to pay more if your house is made of mud.
  • You can order your Big Mac with green chile.
  • You see nothing odd when, in the conversations of the people in line around you at the grocery store, every other word of each sentence alternates between Spanish and English.
  • You associate bridges with mud, not water.
  • You know you will run into at least 3 cousins whenever you shop at Wal-Mart, Sam's or Home Depot.
  • Tumbleweeds and various cacti in your yard are not weeds. They are your lawn.
  • If you travel anywhere, no matter if just to run to the gas station, you must bring along a bottle of water and some moisturizer.
  • Trailers are not referred to as trailers. They are houses. Double-wide trailers are Trailers are not referred to as trailers. They are houses. Double-wide trailers are "real"
  • A package of white flour tortillas is the exact same thing as a loaf of bread. You don't need to write it on your shopping list; it's a given.
  • At any gathering, regardless of size, green chile stew, tortillas, and huge mounds of shredded cheese are mandatory.
  • Prosperity can be readily determined by the number of horses you own.
  • A tarantula on your porch is ordinary. A scorpion in your tub is ordinary. A poisonous centipede on your ceiling? Ordinary. A black widow crawling across your bed is terribly, terribly common. A rattlesnake is an occasional hiking hazard. No need to freak out.
  • You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from New Mexico.
copyright © 1997-2010 dean cashen    06-22-2010 

Copyright 1997-2008 Dean Cashen